DEAR HOME; I DONT MISS YOU

The storm front

2009-08-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

I'm standing on the edge of the storm,
I'm coming to an end,
The end of a life I thought I once knew.
And as I step off the cliff,
All I know is that I'm falling, and I'm failing.
That sinking feeling is consuming my bones,
And I'm drowning.
Sinking lower and lower,
Beneath the black, heavy waves,
As my so called life flashes before my eyes.
Wash away my tears, wash away my fears,
Thats all I ask of you...

Wrote that down in my phone when I was driving home, not sure why.

LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE.

2009-08-24T03:58:00.000-07:00

PHOTOGRAPHY WITH MEANING, SHOT BY ME, PHOTOGRAPHED THROUGHOUT THE UK.

Aint nothing but ;

Discipline in the dark ;

It's a long road from here ;

Life's but a walking shadow ;

Sitting, starring, alone, out the window of nothing ;

The worlds darkest hours always seem to happen during the day ;

Forever alone, but never giving up hope ;

Even when I'm in the dark, I'm still smiling, It's all I can do ;

The seat over there is empty, but I still chose to sit next to you ;

Destined for nothing and no-one ;

Never felt so small ;

Without you, I'm nothing ;

I'll never let go ;

Even when the worlds black, I'll still be able to see you

Welcome home sunshine

2009-08-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

As flight QF32 from Singapore touched down into Sydney airport after being in the air for 6.5 hours, I felt a sigh of relief surprisingly.. I never expect to actually come home after a trip, purely because the paranoia of having a plane crash runs through my mind constanly, I even get to the point where I plan ahead, plan what my friends and family will do, plan what will happen to all my belongings after I've passed... It's a sick, sick feeling that I wish would go away, but I highly doubt this feeling that takes over my body every time I go away, will ever dissappear. I didn't wanna write about it while I was away, because it would make me not stop thinking about it until I'd feel physically sick. Even going on domestic flights, I won't feel as sick, but my heart will still race from takeoff till landing. I've realised, turbluance is one of my worst known enemies, my heart never goes so fast and my stomach never feels so sick when the plane experiences turbulance.
On a final note, all I can say is, I'm glad to be back in Sydney, safe and having that feeling out of my entire body, until the next time I jet off somewhere...

Everything is coming to an end

2009-08-20T06:29:00.000-07:00

Emo blog, I wish I was in London, but I'm not. It's honestly so depressing how fast my trip has gone. I remember the day I woke up on the 22nd of july, the happiest I've been in ages, because I was getting out of Sydney, away from everyone and everything. Now it's basically over. I have one day of freedom until I fly back to the place I've always called home, but being in england, I've never felt so much at home in my entire life. The first day I got there, it was like I'd lived there for years, I just knew exactly where I was going around the stations and what exact trains and buses to catch without asking anyone, I didn't get lost once, I just felt right at home and it was strange. I've met some life long friends over there, England is filled with so many wonderful people, everyones so helpful and kind wheather or not they know you or have just met you. I think I've lost a friend too but I hope to change that (I don't know what I've done to deserve it...). I love the fact that you can sit on a plane for how many ever hours, and when you step off, you're in a completely different world. The smell is different, the buildings, people, scenary, the way people talk, act and dress, their lifestyles, it's just amazing.
I've been to my fair share of countries in my life, and I've been to 5 in one month, Thailand, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Singapore (current location) and England was by far the best. Thailand was... not good, Ireland was beautiful and green, Scotland was almost like England, Wales was decent and Singapore is extremely clean and pretty, but England was just perfect and I can't begin to explain all the amazing things about that city. I would walk down Oxford Circus and I'd feel like I was right at home, although I was 12,000 miles from my real one.
As soon as I get home, I'm going to start planning my next trip there and hopefully aiming for May 10, I honestly can't bare to stay away, watching the plane take off from Heathrow Airport was like having a knife shoved through my stomach. It hurt, alot.
I'll post photos when I arrive back in Sydney, I have so much to show.

Current.

2009-08-13T13:18:00.001-07:00

I'm currently in Chester, drove back from Bristol this morning. Spent 2 and a bit days with Ben. We went to a place that looked over Clifton Bridge and sat in the apparant heat wave.. which is actually winter weather in Australia haha. I was wearing all black and a jacket and he wondered why I wasn't dying already. It was good to branch away from my parents and just hang out.

I'm finally going to say this, I come back to Sydney in 7 days and I'm REALLY not looking forward to it. I just wanna see my friends, rage for a bit, give them their gifts and come back here :(

Im currently trying to upload photos to my facebook, so if you have me on there, lurk. I cant use this little laptop very well so It's taking ages <3

Driving

2009-08-11T02:20:00.000-07:00

To Bristol, exciting.
Sorry about not updating much, It's hard cause I have so many websites to check!

:)

Being away

2009-08-08T01:26:00.000-07:00

From home has made me realise who my real friends are.
Some of my supposed 'best friends' have spoken to me about twice since I left and really have no interest in talking. People I don't really talk too, talk to me more now that im away. The human race is still a mystery to me.
But I still am emailing melissa almost everyday with 5 page long emails, that's satisifying enough :)

I had a yogurt for dinner, and breakfast. Wanted jacket potatoes, didnt get them.
I've noticed, the U.K. likes soup, 3 course meals, buffet food bars, tea and coffee with everything, scones with cream and jam and KA cars. Even the dirtiest lad guys sound so posh with their accent, oh how I love this place <3

Well...

2009-08-07T12:45:00.000-07:00

Drove from London to Leeds today. 5 hour bus ride included no music, vouge magazine, a bit of sleep and a random guy next to me. It wasn't fun at all.
I'm yet again at another hotel with a computer that won't let me upload photos... It's starting to get on my nerves, I have so many amazing things I wanna show.
I bought a new jacket today, the entire outfit I'm wearing is from London, very well spent money and I still have plenty left.
Update over, next week is the only week I'm looking forward too.

I've been away from the only place I've ever called home for the longest time in my life, yet I feel more home at here than I ever have anywhere else.

:)

2009-08-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

Well.. I STILL havent found a computer that will let me upload photos, so annoying, I have so many amazing pictures. I'm currently in York in England, just spent 2 days in Scotland where I went to a Scottish dinner, went to Edinburgh Castle, saw bagpipers, and just hung around the city. Our hotel was right next door to the zoo but we didn't have enough time to go inside, they even had wolves there.. amazing!
Today I didn't do much, had scones and tea in York, hung around for a bit, saw some sites and I just had dinner. I bought an amazing bag yesterday and some new vans which were 30 pounds, happy purchases. Theres not really much else to update on, I just wanna upload all my photos already!

XO

Update!

2009-07-28T00:22:00.001-07:00

Well.. I'm currently in Ireland, I've been to 3 countries in 2 days, England, Ireland and Wales.
First day we got to Heathrow airport at about 6am, felt like the afternoon. Got the train to Victoria station and walked 1 minute to our hotel. Our hotel was AMAZING. 500m away from Buckingham Palace, 5 star, looked like a real palace inside too. We sat for a while and relaxed then did a 2 hour bus tour around the whole of London, saw Big Ben, London Eye, Buckingam Palace, Picadilly Circus, etc etc. This computer won't load me upload photos but I have heaps. We got home from the bus tour at around 2pm, then 'rested'... that turned into a very long sleep and i woke up at 8am the next day haha. 2nd day I spent on oxford street shopping on my own, enjoyed myself, bought SO much stuff, perfumes, dress, stockings, socks, dvds, too much to name but it was a good day. Had lunch at a pizza hut resturant, beats the one on george street by far. Was gunna go to Madame Tussards but the line was 3 hours long. The next day we started the U.K. tour, drove to stonehenge, past windsor castle, went to the roman baths, hung around bath for 3 hours which was boring, then drove to our hotel in Cardiff, Wales. In the morning we went down the road to Cardiff Castle, did a full on tour of the whole castle and it fucking ruled, I LOVE CASTLES! <3 took a million photos inside, it was amazing. Then we drove around and went down to Pembroke for lunch, saw pembroke castle, was cute. Thennnnnn drove to the ferry docks to get the boring 4 hour ferry ride to Ireland. Got to Ireland, had a late dinner and went to sleep. Now I woke up, and I'm here now.
I wanna be back in London though, amazing amazing city, I don't wanna leave! I would gladly move here anyday, will start saving when I get home haha. Hopefully I'll find a computer soon which will let me upload all my photos so far :)

XO

Free hand sanitiser

2009-07-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

My only material vice in Bangkok.
I get picked up from my hotel and fly to London in one hour, hurry uppp.
I wanna upload photos but they won't let me, ahhh my first photo post will be amazing!

XO

BANGKOK, DAY ONE!

2009-07-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

Well.. the first place I got too was Bangkok (stop over for one night so the flight isnt so long), I'm currently in my hotel (5 star.. thank goodness) at the computers, this place wasnt really what I expected. Great shopping, lovely people, 711's absolutley everywhere (more than Sydney, a joke, I know), more taxi's than cars (seriously i can see 3 outside now), weird streets that have no ending , NO road rules whatsoever, it's basically do as you please on the roads, everyone saying hi to you in a kinda creepy way, people cooking food on the side of the street.. It's actually crazy at how cheap it is here, our cab ride today cost $1 australian, bought real Dior perfume for $18 australian, ah.. it's so hard to explain how different home is. I leave for London in a few hours, 12 hour flight, REALLY not looking forward to it.

On a different note, I did buy 2 flasks of Absolut vodka for $12, amazing, and also heaps of MAC makeup, duty free, you work wonders. Will post photos of my amazing purchases and Bangkok scenary when I have more internet time :)

Keep posted, xo

BAMBOO BANGA

2009-06-20T05:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm knocking on the doors of your hummer hummer, you'll be hungry like the wolves hunting dinner dinner, and we're moving with the packs like hyena ena, barbarella look like she's my dead ringer, when I'm dogging on the bonner of ya red honda

Lyfe with a y update

2009-04-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

toooooo much has occurred since my last blog post.
too put it lightly... my life has been so full on the last couple of months.
stopped being the VM at work, becoming a rap sensation (refer back to lauren and jacob, they hear my live shows once a night on msn), brisbane hangouts (too much to tell with that, but I'll add some photos which will explain the whole thing), boy issues (as always i seem to pick the assholes and the ones who fuck me over in the end, decent boys, are you out there?!.. I'm yet to find you apart from one, i think...), being legal (birthday night at hot damn was a shocker, gbh in my drink, gutter hangs, car rides when i had absolutely no idea where i was or even who i was), bad hair (Ive had the same extensions since misery signals, fuck), wasted nights (aka drunken nights) and wasted days.

so... my birthday at hot damn, there's only one photo from this night thankgod, i don't remember much and it was a pretty bad experience, but whatever, too many dramas that night. someone needs to shoot and kill whoever spiked my drink that night! ... good old passion pop alley way hang outs were a winner though.

so on the 1st of april, maddie, lauren and i flew to brisbane to party a bit more and see if brisbane life was better than sydneys... i prefer that place so much better. the actual brisbane holiday was not what i expected it to be, everyone else had so much fun but i had my mind set on a boy who ruined it for me. there were alot of fun parts and alot of new personal jokes were made, but my mood was always being killed by him because we kept arguing over immature petty shit. snitch was possibly one of the worst nights of my life and i never want to relive that again, and i went home early from thriller just because i wasn't siked on anything. Ive learnt, don't let dudes ruin your mood.. EVER. they arent even worth it!
but movie world was uh-mazing, screaming on the batman space spot before the ride even started, the scooby doo spooky coaster being fucking amazing ASSSS PER USUAL (didn't beat my record of 13 times in one day unfortunately), maddie and lauren running to get a photo with that austin powers dude, me getting everyone children admission tickets because of my middle part and sweet kiddy voices, FREE LOLLYPOPS, making friends with the togan kids in the line of the scooby doo ride, they loved us, GETTING OUR SCOOBY DOO PICTURE DELETED OFF THE SYSTEM BECAUSE I STUCK MY FINGER UP, hahaha, expensive fucking food, having more than 4 people stay over every night in the notorious 804, ~shopping~, that amazing sushi place next to queen street, queen street shopping every day, shitty train systems, having a rap off with jacob to the game (i won, of course).. whatever, theres way too many funnies to explain, but it was a good holiday reguardless of the person who killed my mood most days.

final note, heres all the funny/good photos from brisbane, enjoy! :-)

Life beyond earth

2008-10-22T01:48:00.000-07:00

I wonder are there any other worlds with a spark of life and itelligence burns?
Is it possible that as you look up at the same stars on a warm summer evening or a snowy into midnight and wonder of humanities alone in the universe, at that same instant someone else on a distant world is looking up at the same sky and wondering the very same question? ...

Reflection.

2008-09-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes loneliness can be the answer to clarity, a moment of reflection"

It may sometimes be good to be alone, but is it good to be lonely?

Are you fearful of being lonely? Or do you need someone with you all the time?
Do you not care about the consequences, because you'll always have someone else to fall back on?
Do you understand what it's like from someone elses perspective? Knowing that everything that was said, was mendacious?
What do you see when you see your reflection? I see a sad, lonely individual, trying to fake the past and forget what happend, trying to fake a smile, and trying to be someone you are most certainly not...

Think to yourself, is this the life you really want to lead?

One Perfect Day

2008-09-01T03:27:00.000-07:00

This is a self portrait of an artist himself, and it's the story of a young performer who appears to be talented enough to change the face of all contemporary music in any field in which he turns his hand to.

Tommy (Dan Spielman...(L)) is a young guy from Melbourne studying at the Royal Academy of Music in London. An extremeley talented violinist and composer, he hears music in every sound: in the voice of a homeless woman in the Underground (which he uses in an audition along with homeless people from across london), the noise of moving trains (which he records at some danger to himself by lying underneath a moving one), and is even insprired by the chirp of insects. He embraces all type of sound, and any music/sound figure.

Although he finds poetry in railway tracks and homeless people, he doesn't like set paths or straight lines. He does his own thing. He chafes against what he perceives as the artistic constraints and changes all expectations of classical music into his own... "I want to know what it feels like"

Having single-handedly demonstrated a new direction for contemporary opera, Tommy returns to Melbourne because of a sudden family tragedy, the death of his younger sister, Emma (Abbie Cornish, she was in some awesome comedy channel show)... "Its charisma in a capsule baby"

Trying to make sense of what happened, Tommy discovers a CD she has made for him. Intrigued and inspired by it, he plunges into a new musical arena: the DJ and dance scene....

Whatever mythic resonances are intended, One Perfect Day feels more like a cautionary tale, but with an uplifting message.

There's a fair simplistic feel to its depiction of creative activity and over all feel, underpinned by a blithe "follow your dream" philosophy, set out in a plot with some unpredictable twists but concluding revelations which are hard to guess.

The film's use of music, its presentation of overall discoveries, the embrace of dance culture and its tribal pleasures - these aspects of the film are energetic rather than ecstatic.

Gorecki

2008-08-31T04:45:00.000-07:00

If I should die this very moment
I wouldnt fear
For Ive never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Still in my heart this moment
Or it might burst
Could we stay right here
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning
Wanna love you until the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for

All this time Ive loved you
And never known your face
All this time Ive missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
Wanna stay right here
Until the end of time
til the earth stops turning
Gonna love you until the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for

The one Ive waited for

All Ive known
All Ive done
All Ive felt was leading to this
All Ive known
All Ive done
All Ive felt was leading to this
Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
Im gonna love you till the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for

Wanna stay right here
til the end of time till the earth stops turning
Im gonna love you till the seas run dry
Ive found the one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for
The one Ive waited for

Possibly one of my favourite songs, ever. I first heard it on the Australian Film, One Perfect Day..and on it's soundtrack. I'll post a blog about it later, amazing film, definatley my favourite.

Change

2008-08-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

change: 1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone .

2. to transform or convert (usually fol. by into)

I still wonder how people can so easily, turn into the person they hated, in such a small amount of time. I hate when great people, with great personalities, change into the worst people to ever exist. Where has the old, good you gone? People should be changing for the better, not for worse. But usually there is always one catalyst that has caused this change. I half blame myself.
Saying that, with alot of change, comes alot of lies. And with alot of lies, comes alot of feelings that dont come around very often. I hate the feeling of knowing I've been lied too for so long, and I cant do anything about it..

This blog isn't very constructive, but oh well, I wrote it a while back.

Dreaming

2008-08-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

What are dreams? I sit in bed every night, before I go to sleep, thinking about what world I'll be in when I go to sleep. What if dreams were real life, and what we think is real life, is actually, a dream? Are dreams what is going to happen in the future, and it's giving us a warning? Are they things that will never happen? Or just in fact, 2 words, a dream?
Dreams sometimes can link to actual real life sensations, such as the incorporation of environmental sounds into dreams such as hearing someone yell in a dream, while someone is actually yelling in reality... thats what makes them so life like. But the worst bit is, when you wake up from a great dream, and you realise it wasn't even real, and theres nothing you can do about it. But if you've had a terrible dream, waking up was the best part..
A situation I stumble across constantly, is de ja vu. I come across situations where I have most definatley had a dream about, and I know whats going to happen. I have to stand back and really think about it... it scares me a bit. I was thinking of this subject, just before I went to sleep. I can't remember my dreams very well, only if they are very signficant. I used to ask my archangels to give me messages through my dreams, and tell me what's going to happen with certain things... I got some answers, but how am I to be sure? Another question is, Are dreams messages from the other side, or is that just what we want to believe?...

Donnie Darko

2008-08-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

I am currently lying in bed, watching Donnie Darko.
This movie really makes you think alot, about many different things...

Jake Gyllenhaal (my favourite actor) leads this movie with a chilling, but great performance. His face exudes that of innocence, so when he looks around menacingly, it is truly eerie and you really don't know what to expect from him, or what is going to happen... He combines the varied emotions of rage, loneliness, dismissal and angst into a good portrayal of one fucked up dude, very well. But at the same time, he contrasts some very funny humor with excessively dark imagery..

I don't really want to give it away, so I wont explain the movie in detail.. but, all round, it is a great movie.
If you haven't seen it, I suggest go watch it.
Its hard to understand at first, but its one of those movies where you really have to think outside the square to understand to a full extent.

"28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end."